An Army Corps on the March
With its cloud of shirmishers in advance,
With now the sound of a single shot snapping like a whip, and now an
irregular volley,
The swarming ranks press on and on, the dense brigades press on,
Glittering dimly, toiling under the sun -- the dust-cover'd men,
In columns rise and fall to the undulations of the ground,
With artillery interspers'd -- the wheels rumble, the horses sweat,
As an army corps advances.
-Walt Whitman
A Traffic Jam on the Freeway
Through the smog of motors rumble,
Through instants dragging on blasting horns like shouts,
this fleet of steel in frozen heat,
The parallel hulls lurch on and off,
The smooth bodies now stopped,
Shimmering like a mirage, captured under the sun -- the shining metal machines,
In single-file lines rolling rubber on the road,
With exhaust pipes pointing back -- windows roll'd down, the people sit,
As these transport units halt.
I was a little rushed in my first Whitman imitation, I had forgotten to do it before class so this was unfortunately written in haste. I revised it a bit, but it's probably good that it didn't turn out too well so I can learn to do things in advance in the future. I thought I might choose this piece to imitate because of the images and denotation. One thing in particular I like about it is the sound of the words; Whitman uses alliteration in the line with "the sound of a single shot snapping like a whip, and now an / irregular volley" - the sound of the words providing an aural picture very much like the crack of gunshots, and the "irregular volley" is in a line by itself with an irregular enjambment breaking up the line, as an emphasis on its sound.
ReplyDeleteIn my imitation I wanted to use the idea of the sound picture, but I'm sure I would need more practice with such a thing. I tried using the thing most akin in our times to an army corps on the march in sheer intimidating massiveness, and naturally cars on a highway came to mind. I thought I could use the stopping, halting, and stopping of a traffic jam as an idea for sound. I'm not sure it turned out very well. Maybe if I had spent more time on it I could have actually thought out how to sound it out and experimented with words rather than just shifting in a parallel way from the image of an army corps marching, to lines of cars in a traffic jam. I might try to do this again with that in mind.
Jordan,
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this imitation. I think that the relate-ability of traffic makes this a very open poem and it also has the metaphor so that it has that meaning deeper within. I liked it and never tell your secrets of forgetting a project and writing it in haste. Just let everyone thing you have good days and off days.
I couldn't tell that this was rushed at all. The details fit perfectly with the poems theme. I was able to connect really well to the experience!
ReplyDeleteI thought that the imagery in your poem was really effective in helping me visualize the scene. With "parallel hulls lurch" and "shimmering like a mirage," I could recall all the times I've been stuck in traffic. I also liked your use of alliteration in "rolling rubber on the road."
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